Sadness Sauce

Yes. There is such a thing, and yes. I am drowning in it. So back off.
Now, on topic of why i am drowning in sadness sauce:

I dont see why everyone is always annoyed with me. I try really hard not to be annoying.
Here is a list of 10 things i do to try not to be annoying:

1. I (attempt to) control my spaztic mannerisms
2. I (attempt to) listen much as is needed
3. I (attempt to) be silent as much as is needed
4. I try to mold how i look, say things, and dress after people who are liked. (embarrasing, but entirely MUCH to true. i dont do it ALL the time though, or as much as i should...... the black is not after anyone.... just saying so none of thou shalt believe me unto the liking of a poser. FOUL RECREANT KNIGHTS!!!!)
5. I try not to be big headed to cover up my increadbly low self esteem
6. I am as nice as possible, even to those i do not enjoy the company of
7. I try to be not as needy as i really am
8. I try to supress my feelings as much as possible (meaning if i am sad, i skip around and smile. Angry? i skip around and smile. Happy? ummm..... thats hard seeing as i am rarely TRULY happy. its mostly a fake happy that i make myself believe that i am feeling. wow,)
9. I try not to express my thoughts/beliefs....... NOT GREAT AT THAT ONE. NOT AT ALL.
10. I try to............................................................. just not be annoying. thats it.

As one could see, i am not very good at doing the things on my list. Except the feelings part. That is much easier than one would think.

Gravey is cared about by no one. Gravey is all alone. Gravey is loved by no one, needed by no one, hated by all. Gravey sits in her corner and weeps. Gravey needs love, but I cant give it to her. Why? I ask myself. I look in there deep. And suddenly, I realize: I AM GRAVEY.

MELODRAMATIC MUCH?

yes. says i. yes.

is that really how you feel???

yes. says i. yes.

REALLY???

i already said i said yes didnt i??? wtf your an idiot.

sadness sauce. im drowning in it.

*yippee skippy*

Lemons

A good freind once told me, "when life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand for cookies." This was in the 6th grade. I am much more mature having aged a little in the past couple of years, but i believe that this saying still rings true. Not in the stupid immature silly saying way, but in a real, meaningfull, apply this to your life, way. When one is dealt bad cards in this game we call life (not the board game, and NO i am not plagurizing you ruffle!!!), one must throw them back and DEMAND for better! One must stand up for what one believes in and not get Knocked down and trampled by a herd of stampeding middle schoolers! One must be right there in the dealers face and DEMAND for better! One must not just sit there and let it happen! One must scream and throw a tantrum if that is what is needed! I will NOT be dealt the short hand! I will not do what ANYONE tells me to do if i cannot, and, or, don't want to do it! I REFUSE to be anyone's stepping stone!!!

"I'm not your stepping stone. I'm not your stepping stone. When first i met you girl you didnt have no shoes, now you walk around like your frontpage news! you be awful carefull bout the freinds you choose! and you wont find me girl on you book of loozoos!"
-The Monkees, Stepping Stone

Dreams

Have you ever had that sudden realization after a dream?
A time when you dreamed about something that you had no idea you knew and/or wanted?

I had one of those times last night, and the realization was so painfull I will not state it clearly here. Some of the followers of this may know, but the rest of the world will (hopefully) stay oblivious.

Normally my dreams are about falling of lockers, and other trivial things, but this one was NOT.
In THIS dream, i was somewhere with a certain person and he took my hand and we went walking in the woods. I still remember how his hand felt against mine. It was a very vivid dream. We talked about things as we walked. Then we stopped and I looked up into his face, and... my alarm went off. I snoozed it and went back to sleep to continue the dream. For some strange reason this person started going to my school that day (it was NOT where i acctualy go, but some imagined school) and i was eating lunch and watching this boy when my mother walks up, she sits down and asks me what im thinking about and i tell her. I tell her all about the walk in the woods, and all about how much i like this boy, and how when we got back to school, he just started ignoring me, and how painfull it was that he wouldnt be with me. I told her EVERYTHING. Im acctually quite quiet about most things. I almost never tell my secrets to multiple persons. So, gushing like this was quite strange for me. When i woke up to my alarm once again, i suddenly realized (when i though i had gotten over this certain person a LOOOOONG time ago), that i did not simply LIKE this person, (i thought i might have lingering likingness goin on) i LOVE him. And it HURTS ME. Like my friend Gunther(stupid code names!) and his Ariel (CODE NAMES STINK!!!), he is an obsession to me, and i cant help but love him, no matter what. I will repeat myself once agian: IT HURTS ME.

And to make matters worse, I dont WANT to LIKE, not to mention LOVE, this person!


here is my quote of the day, a song about my sudden realization, because Colbie Calliet was TOTALY thinking of ME when she wrote this song (heh heh heh):
-If you'd just realize what i've just realized, then we'd be perfect for eachother and we'd never find another, just realize what i just realized, we'd never have to wonder if we'd missed out on eachother now.

it SUCKS to have sudden realizations like this. i HATE my dang subconscious right now!

JACKSON CITY (WAS LIKE LAS VEGAS)

We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout,We've been talkin' 'bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.I'm goin' to Jackson, I'm gonna mess around,Yeah, I'm goin' to Jackson, Look out Jackson town.Well, go on down to Jackson; go ahead and wreck your health.Go play your hand you big-talkin' man, make a big fool of yourself,Yeah, go to Jackson; go comb your hair!Honey, I'm gonna snowball Jackson.See if I care.When I breeze into that city, people gonna stoop and bow. (Hah!)All them women gonna make me, teach 'em what they don't know how,I'm goin' to Jackson, you turn-a loose-a my coat.'Cos I'm goin' to Jackson."Goodbye," that's all she wrote.But they'll laugh at you in Jackson, and I'll be dancin' on a Pony Keg.They'll lead you 'round town like a scalded hound,With your tail tucked between your legs,Yeah, go to Jackson, you big-talkin' man.And I'll be waitin' in Jackson, behind my Jaypan Fan, Well now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper Sprout,We've been talkin' 'bout Jackson, ever since the fire went.I'm goin' to Jackson, and that's a fact.Yeah, we're goin' to Jackson, ain't never comin' back.Well, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout'And we've been talkin' 'bout Jackson, ever since the fire went...[To Fade]

My song right now

Well, when youre sitting thereIn your silk upholstered chairTalking to some rich folks that you knowWell I hope you wont see meIn my ragged companyYou know I could never be aloneTake me down little susie, take me downI know you think youre the queen of the undergroundAnd you can send me dead flowers every morningSend me dead flowers by the mailSend me dead flowers to my weddingAnd I wont forget to put roses on your graveWell, when youre sitting backIn your rose pink cadillacMaking bets on kentucky derby dayIll be in my basement roomWith a needle and a spoonAnd another girl to take my pain awayTake me down little susie, take me downI know you think youre the queen of the undergroundAnd you can send me dead flowers every morningSend me dead flowers by the mailSend me dead flowers to my weddingAnd I wont forget to put roses on your graveTake me down little susie, take me downI know you think youre the queen of the undergroundAnd you can send me dead flowers every morningSend me dead flowers by the us mailSay it with dead flowers at my weddingAnd I wont forget to put roses on your graveNo I wont forget to put roses on your grave

Love, Hate, and all that is good in the world

"when God closes 1 door he opens another. even if its hell in the hallway"
-my grandpa


Why is there life? What is truth?
these are questions we answer multiple times during one english period. our classes could be a sitcom. There are always clices flitting off everyones lips, ms. ezz (stupid code names) gets mad at the "flippant" students, reading 5 books at a time, all for her class, (not to mention the pedagogy of the oppressed for social studies. NEVER read it if you know whats good for you), but in many ways, no matter how many times ms. ezz makes you go into the bathroom and cry because of how mean she is over a project, or an offhand/ completely random (that would be me) comment that you've made, its the funnest class of the day....

I go to the strangest school in the history of the world. we answer questions like the ones above daily (not just in english). There are only 32 of us in the graduating class, yet that is the largest graduating class high plains (once again, stupid code names) has ever had. We do everything together. our school goes from preeschool to (im not going to say cause that would give away me and my "comrades" ages (stupid dangearous internet meanies)). we are STRANGE. my friend olive told me miley cyrus ate nick jonas's ring today. (by the way we are one school that has banded together in the effort to root out all loving of miley cyrus). She isnt the only one. My friend Ruffle (she has a blog too) is super amazing. We named her Ruffle because her last name is really cose to that and its funny the way she barks when she says it. i dont think she even means to. (see what i mean? even our sense of humor is strange)

Now on to the title of this post!

• Love: "look what a mess we've made of love, look what a bum we've made of love, look what a mess we've made, we've got ourselves to blame, look what a mess we've made of love" -switchfoot, amunition
• Hate: "dont you know by now, you cant turn bac, because this road is all youll ever have! Its all we ased that your dying dying, just living proof that the cameras lying so open wide this is your night so smile, cuase you'll go out in style" -paramore, fences
• Good: a word ms. ezz hates

THE END